Todd

Whenever people disappointed me there was Todd. 

Whenever I was hurt and crushed there was Todd.

When my ends were frayed and my fingertips bled there was Todd. 

When I wanted it all to end there was Todd. 

I always thought 

That I would have gone first. 

I would have been the one to say goodbye and leave behind a memory of a shattered but grateful girl. 

Never a day where I would have to say

Goodbye Todd. 

Thank you, Todd. 

I have to do it on my own. Without my Todd. 

I saw you in a dream 

You reached into my chest and pulled out my heart. 

It glowed in your hands as you brought it up to your lips. 

You bestowed on it a kiss that I felt warm within me. 

I was so happy.

But then you stared indifferently into my eyes and plunged the heart back into my chest. 

And walked away. And did not look back. 

I saw you in a nightmare. 

Silence is painful and unkind. Stripped of opinion, stripped of humanity. It is a loss of unimaginable bounds to the human spirit. Impossible to explain with no voice. Words become the hero of our story. No night and shining amour can save me from the oppressive void of nothing. Here’s to those who left things unsaid. Who was trapped within the silence. Held prisoner, restricted from their humanity. Do silent cries and silent woes exist? If they are unheard and unseen do they vanish into the abyss? Let us escape. 

Boys bully, lie, and pull your hair. 

Girls gossip, manipulate, and slice your reputation. 

Men cheat, destroy, and break your heart. 

Women carve, pretend, and spill your secrets. 

Humans are the apex predator. 

Yet they fear the monster they created under their beds. 

I care

I hurt 

I care 

I hurt 

I care 

I hurt 

I care 

Someone please, make it, make me, stop. 

“You taste so good”

But do you love me?

“You feel so good”

But do you want me?

“You smell so good?”
But do I want you?

- when we were together

With every exhale do I breathe fire? 

Years of taming my pyre with small smiles and hollow laughter. 

You watered the scorching in my lungs with every lie you told. 

I was always told that dragons were made to be slain. 

Yet here I live, a chimera of his creation. 

And I will see it all burn. 

I was the dog you left in your hot car. 

What if I am not deep?

What if I am a shallow pool?
Not as adept for parties, or company. 

Commonly unkept and lonely. 

But I am content floating in solitude on the tepid, unrippled water. 

Because I can see the ocean above. 

She broke to pieces in my arms. Disintegrating from her tears and ripping out her hair. Because of you. 

You stole her confidence overnight, tied her worth to your kitchen chair, and gagged her dignity down her throat. All because you were weak. 

You are weak and undeserving. Fickle and ingenuine. I trusted you with my sister and you left destruction in your wake, you coward. Maybe the next victim will be more amenable and come with all the perks you were looking for: no spine, no mouth, and no thoughts. 

Until then I pray for your sake, that you and I never lock eyes again. For like the Mark of Cain I will strike you down sevenfold with no hesitation or mercy. 

You can hide behind your mother's legs but her disloyalty will be her downfall. You can beg your father for protection but he will turn and run for that is where you learned it. You can cry to your brother but he will be as useless as you. 

Until then I will leave your conscience to dig your grave. To keep the dirt warm until your hubris eats you whole. When that day comes my sister and I will sit back with some wine and laugh at what an inconvenience you were. 

Wine corks are fun toys. 

Drop it on its side and see if it will stand up. 

Drop. Bounce. Drop. Bounce. 

Cork after cork collects on the dining room table. 

A child laughs at their game while grandma sleeps amongst the bottles.